I have zero ideas what to expect for today. Will I be sad, angry, will I feel like I am in a dark hole, or that I can’t breathe?
7 years ago today I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, perfect 8lb 4oz baby girl. One of the BEST days ever!
Throughout her infancy, I never wanted to put her down. She coslept until almost a year old, and I loved every minute of it. Charlotte was my side kick, I hated leaving her, for any reason.
At around a year, I decided it was time to branch out and make friends! We had play dates multiple times a week. Ballet, gymnastics, swim lessons, the possibilities were endless! We would just go nonstop!
Charlotte had a need to please. She wanted to make others around her happy and didn’t like to disappoint you. Her heart was like gold, literally.
Half of her life was hard. SO HARD! But she still smiled and laughed. She still found good and happiness. When I thought treatment was over, it was as if she had completely forgotten what she endured.
A part of me was grateful for that.
She had an amazing last year. I know I have shared before, but I want to share again. Charlotte loved her new home and awesome bunk bed (she would decorate the top and hide her favorite things) She was able to go to Kindergarten. She learned to read and loved reading to her sisters. She was able to try ballet, swim, and gymnastics again. Although she loved the idea, it was too strenuous for her precious lungs. She was able to visit the beach, which she loved! She made a best friend, Lilly was so special to her and is still so special to us! She lost her first tooth!
Her last month was TOUGH. It was awful!
So while I sit here crying, missing her, just wishing for one more hug, I’m rejoicing that her party in Heaven is amazing! Something we can’t even imagine! She is HEALTHY and WHOLE!
My day is bright. It is so bright, knowing that she is pain free.
I REMEMBER all of the good! I REMEMBER and am constantly reminded that He is GOOD! Even though life isn’t what I had planned for my sweet Charlotte, His plan is so much better.
Many people are unsure if they should bring up Charlotte or avoid the conversation. Please, talk about her. Tell me you miss her voice, her smile, her hugs. As a grieving parent, one thing we often fear, is forgetting our child. Although I could never forget her, it’s a genuine fear. So share your stories, talk about Charlotte, laugh, and cry with me. It is okay.
In honor of her birthday, please consider helping your local Ronald Mcdonald House. Find out what they are in need of. If you are not in a place to donate items, donate your time as a volunteer. Love on those around you, who are suffering.
” For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the Heavens are higher than the earth, So are my ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 NKJV
Thank you Jesus for the time you gave us with Charlotte!
Psalm 57 1-3,5,7-11
57 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.
2 I will cry out to God Most High,
To God who performs all things for me.
3 He shall send from heaven and save me;
He reproaches the one who [b]would swallow me up. Selah
God shall send forth His mercy and His truth.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.
7 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and give praise.
8 Awake, my glory!
Awake, lute and harp!
I will awaken the dawn.
9 I will praise You, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing to You among the [c]nations.
10 For Your mercy reaches unto the heavens,
And Your truth unto the clouds.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.
Rodger Stollery says
Our Lord has blessed you with a wonderful recollection of your time with Charlotte.
Marci Barbe says
I find myself praying for you all often and I am amazed by your grace and strong faith! God bless your baby girl! ❤️
Kimberly Ullmann says
God is so good to give us the wonderful memories that keep our loved ones in our hearts. Charlotte was a special blessing to so many and she will live in our hearts always. Continue to lean on God’s amazing strength. You are an amazing mama!!
Tamara Brown says
I love it when you post! I can’t wait to read it when I see it and look at the pictures! I never met Charlotte but feel like I knew her through your blogs. I have prayed so much for her and all of you and still do. Please keep posting when ever you can, it helps us to know how to pray for you.
Michelle Bailey says
I’ve said it before and will say it again. You are an amazing mommy showing strength courage and love of God to everyone around you. I admire you so much.. Charlotte was your mini me with her spirit and joy, she was such a ray of sunshine. She is missed ❤️❤️Praying for your family as always. Love you😘
Jill Stitt says
Thank you for sharing your heart today. Your faith is richly inspiring.
Happy Birthday Charolette! I hope you are in the choir singing and dancing with the Angels!
I pray that your loved ones will all join you some day at the feet of Jesus!
Idalia Edmiston says
Thank you for sharing your journey, I have learned allot about this horrible desease …the do’s and don’ts on many things and also the patient perspective on the medical side. Most of all your love for Charlotte and God! Charlotte help me in so many ways!!! Charlotte … WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN! Happy Birthday sweet Angel!
Dee Mason says
Happy birthday sweet Charlotte. You get to celebrate with Jesus ❤️❤️❤️
What a precious girl. How wonderful (that you had her for the years you did/that she is laughing and dancing today) and terrible (that your angel girl suffered).
I won’t forget Charlotte even though I only know her through your posts.
Debbie Agnew says
Our hearts and prayers go out to you and your beautiful family. Your strength, faith and positive outlook is beyond admiring.
Lily Rico says
Happy Birthday in heaven sweet Charlotte! And for you momma and your family much love and blessings!
Happy Heavenly birthday sweet Charlotte! I never had the privilege of meeting you, but you touched my heart. We share a birthday and that gives us a special connection. ♥️ You are dancing and singing with our Lord and Savior!
Ron Wieglenda USMC says
When we Buried my Grandmother at 96, we found here Sons Vest for the suit they buried him in at 16, Mothers never forget their Children.
Brenda Johnson says
How could any of us forget your beautiful Charlotte Grace…Who always graced us with her tender heart and her radiant charm….and her amazing, abounding strength and joy. Praying you and your family will dance with her today as you celebrate her life and all the love and sweet memories she gave you🌸💗
Angela Schlabach says
Happy Birthday Sweet Charlotte! I hope you are having the BEST birthday ever, even though your family here is having a hard time! You are so loved by many! Praying God brings your family comfort and a peace at this time! Sending much love to you all.
Patricia Curry says
How precious your time with her must have been. But even more precious is the knowledge that she is with our Lord and Savior Jesus. This time here is fleeting compared to eternity. Praying for Jesus will encompass you with His comfort as you mourn the separation from your beautiful daughter.💗💗
Denise Graves says
thank you for your letter and for sharing those beautiful pictures of Charlotte. She was so precious that our Father wanted her by His side. You will be with her again and she can fill you in all about her happiness we long for.
I am still in prayer for you Tyler and you beautiful girls and your extended family as well.