Many are amazed and encouraged by my “strength.” I must admit, it’s not easy. It’s not easy, at all! I want to share with you what makes me “strong.”
I know that I am not alone. I have an amazing support system with my family, friends, and community. It is beyond what I ever could have imagined, to see the support we are receiving. Ultimately, even if I didn’t have all of that, I know I am not alone because I have God. Without a doubt, I know that He loves me and He loves our girl more than I ever could. (yes, at times it’s hard to believe, but He does!)
I have a strong and encouraging husband. A man whose faith is stronger than my own, who rests all of his cares and worries on the Lord. He leads our family in the direction we need to be. He allows me to be sad, angry, irritated, annoying, and goofy without judgement (at least most of the time! lol) He loves our girls and I no matter what!
I grieve when I need to. I have cried uncontrollably at times. Watching our once very active daughter slowly deteriorate is DEVASTATING! She is constantly losing weight and strength. She struggles to walk up a single step from the playroom to the hall. All of the times I have seen her lay helplessly in her own vomit, not knowing what to do. The many bathroom accidents she has had because she can’t get there fast enough and wants to do it on her own. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to see. It breaks my heart every time!
I have yelled “WHY?!!” Why Charlotte?! Why us?!! It boils down to how? HOW are we going to make the best of this atrocious situation? How can we show people what we have, the peace that is given to us with our faith in the Lord? Because even with all of the possibilities of our outcome, there is still a peace in me. It’s quite unreal. I intentionally live each day as they come. There have been a couple of times where satan has gotten the best of me and has made me think of the worst that may come. I luckily have a Light to look to. I know that NO MATTER WHAT the outcome, whether Charlotte remains here with us or she goes Home, she will be a happy girl and will be loved unconditionally.
KNOWING that God is a miraculous God. He has healed many and brought people back from the dead. He can do ANYTHING! And I know if it is His will, Charlotte will grow old to share her testimony of her own miracle! It gives me chills just thinking about it!
While many are encouraged by me, know that I am encouraged by you! The way people have stepped up, from family, to close friends, to acquaintances, to complete strangers! It is definitely a nice thing to see and feel amidst all the bad that is going on in the world today. Your words of support and kindness often help me get through my day. The prayers are something we could never have too much of so please don’t ever stop! The amount of people, literally ALL OVER the world praying, is something that only a MIGHTY God could do!
All in all, without Jesus, I would be lost, I wouldn’t be able to keep it together. He is my Rock, my Protector, my Strength. I know that even in the darkest times, he will never leave my side!