Some days, I struggle. Not only as I watch my child suffer and fight to survive but for the other kids as well. For the mothers that lose their babies to the ones that fight the same days I am. It’s the furthest thing from easy. It’s so hard to feel hope when it all seems hopeless. It’s hard to be strong when some days, you are too weak to get up. It’s hard to convince myself every day, to get up, to put on a smile, to show my girls, my family, that I’m okay. To live life and enjoy every minute we have together.
In the last month, more deaths, more hospice, more complications to treatment, more bad news. The worst part is, before Charlotte was diagnosed, I had NO IDEA! I didn’t know all of these babies were fighting, all of these children were losing their lives and getting less recognition than they deserve. There are days, that I question myself. Did I ignore these posts? How did I NOT know??
I catch myself, almost daily, crying for a child. Understanding how those parents felt and feel. None of this is fair. No one deserves this.
I firmly believe, the only way I get through my days, through each treatment and scan and bad report is my faith in the Lord. Every time a heart is broken, I struggle to understand why. I struggle to believe there is a bigger picture. My faith is the only thing that assures me. I’d be lost without a Father that I KNOW loves me, that loves Charlotte and all of these other children MORE than I or anyone ever could. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know that the next treatment will work, but I do know that God loves my baby girl. That He holds her and will NEVER let her go. We serve a God much bigger than cancer, than death.
We can never lose hope.
So many ask, over and over, how they can help. The BIGGEST thing, don’t turn your head away. Don’t think, “This will never happen to you.” I was that parent, until it was my child.
Spread awareness, raise money for research, be informed. Our children, other people’s children, deserve more than 4% of federal funding. All of those animal advocates, don’t you realize our kids are innocent as well?! Why do I see more things to support a dog than a BABY/CHILD fighting this monstrous disease?!!
September is childhood cancer awareness month. While I believe EVERY month it should be acknowledged, this year I would like to see as much GOLD in September as I will see pink in October.
THIS is how you can help. Share our posts, don’t turn your eyes when a St Jude’s commercial pops up, don’t ignore your feed when another child has been diagnosed or dies. This is real life and each one of you, spreading awareness, is the ONLY thing that can help. I appreciate all you have shown my family, I don’t take it for granted. I am just heartbroken for ANYONE who has to experience this.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know that we will find a treatment that works. I can only pray and fight for an answer. That one day, there will be a way to treat our kids properly. That they won’t receive the same treatment that adults do for ovarian or testicular cancer ( yes those are some of the chemos Charlotte has gotten) but there will be the funds to find something SPECIFICALLY for Neuroblastoma and ALL the other pediatric cancers.
I beg you, don’t be the person I WAS. Don’t ignore what matters until it’s too late and you are experiencing it first hand. Be a voice for the kids who can not speak.