I have told myself over and over that I needed to update. I had big plans of shouting from the rooftops about childhood cancer awareness in September. Months later, Nothing…
It just so happens that as I am writing, I realize that today is 5 months! 5 WHOLE MONTHS! I’ve been told that time heals, that time will make things easier. It is harder today than it was yesterday, a month ago, 3 months ago. I look at my beautiful daughter’s picture as I write and it hurts. It hurts that I can not hug her, I can not hear her voice or kiss her cheeks, I can not hear her laugh. I can not understand why she had to leave us so soon.
Maybe it’s because the holidays are coming up. Knowing how much she loved EVERY single holiday, it didn’t matter what it was. Maybe it’s because we have friends, children, that are relapsing, struggling, and dying.
The days are hard to get going, but I push through. Many days I wish it were bed time at 6:00pm but once bed time is here, I can not sleep. I try to keep busy, try to distract myself and while it is a temporary fix, the night time comes, along with the quiet. And then the hurt rolls in and the tears fall uncontrollably. My sweet daughter is missed more than I could have imagined. But I KNOW she is so much better! I KNOW she is healthy, pain free, and happy. I find my peace and hope in knowing we will be together again. Some days are just hard to be strong.
Our family is getting by, day by day. Eleanor is thriving in school and beginning to read! (I don’t remember reading in PreK!) Eleanor asks a lot of questions. “When is Charlotte coming home?” “What does Charlotte do in Heaven?” “Does Charlotte still have cancer?” “Can we go visit Charlotte?” “Will we ever see Charlotte again?” She will random tell people about Charlotte, her great grandpa’s nurse, the checker at the grocery store, new friends.
Hadley fractured her wrist and had a full arm cast for 3 weeks. She recently had it taken off and couldn’t be happier. She is growing every day, not talking much but she is definitely trying to. She can not say Charlotte’s name but she points to her pictures often.
I have every intention to update more. To share stories, to ask for prayer.
Today’s verse was very fitting
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you for all who still follow us and pray. You mean so much to us!